How has this happened again? How am I facing the death of another cat who I have to assume was hit by a car on my relatively quiet street? I cannot begin to comprehend the injustice of the universe that I'm dealing with this again.
When Gansey was hit and killed last summer, I fostered the litter of kittens to help me cope with the grief. With my other 2 cats being elderly, I kept two of them so they could be playmates and grow old together. It was a joy to watch them together and I looked forward to many years of them in my life.
I have always believed that cats are happier when they're allowed outdoors and other than when I lived in a 3rd floor apartment in Providence, my cats have always gone in and out. Because of Gansey being hit, I was careful to train Goodie and Hazel to stay in the backyard. I wouldn't even get the mail if they were outside lest they follow me out front. I thought they were safe and didn't worry about them being outside because they were always in the backyards of my house or my neighbor's and even when they ventured across the alley, they always came running when I called and always from behind the house.
It had been warm enough outside that I was able to leave the sliding door open so they could come and go all day. I was working from home on Thursday and realized mid-morning that I hadn't seen Hazel in awhile and Goodie was sleeping alone on the back of the chair. Thinking nothing of it, I called her from the back door. She always came but sometimes with a 5 minute delay but when she didn't come, I called again. Nothing. She had gotten locked in Cara's garage on Monday and was throwing herself at the door and meowing up a storm so I ventured over there but heard nothing. Then I turned to leave and saw her at the corner of Cara's house. She was dead and stiff with not a mark on her. OMG!
All I can think of is that she followed the neighborhood cat who was on my deck that morning when he left. I've often seen him cross behind Cara's house and then go across the street. That's the corner where I found Hazel. So what are the chances that in most likely the first time she ever ventured into the street that she'd be hit? I don't live on a busy street and while people do drive too fast sometimes, which anyone living on any street can say, there aren't many cars on my street. She must have been hit by someone heading to work in the dark. She must have only been clipped and had internal injuries. If that theory is correct, she was trying to get back home but didn't make it. Or for all I know, she was born with something wrong with her heart or an artery and died from that. I'll never know but she's gone and I'm devastated.
Hazel had personality plus. I have never had a cat that let me pet her belly but Hazel loved it. I could pick her up on her back and she would stretch her arms above her head and her legs full length so I could pet her. She would jump into the bathroom sink first thing each morning and after getting a drink, she'd look for me to pet her while I was on the toilet. I'd then watch her do yoga stretches with her back legs as she ambled to the kitchen for breakfast. And that face! I would literally say "that face" (with a funky accent) while I loved on her. She was a hunter and killed too many sparrow but nothing topped when she brought a garter snake in and dropped it at my feet while I was on a zoom. She would jump on my laptop keyboard when she wanted out and several times sent messages when she hit just the right keys, including one to the man who does my snow removal. If we communicate via messenger, you probably got a Hazel text too.
I buried her next to Gansey beside the garage and was absolutely numb. I never broke down like I did with Gansey and barely cried. Hazel and Goodie were inseparable and brought so much joy to my life. I'd never had siblings before and watching them was a blast. They were either running around and getting into things or sleeping in a cuddle pile with cuteness overload. My number one concern was Goodie, who had never had a day of her life without Hazel by her side.
The afternoon of the day she died, Goodie sat in the middle of the backyard looking around but otherwise seems unaffected. But Hazel was the instigator of the pair while Goodie is more food motivated (since day one) and prone to inactivity. I immediately got with Becky, who gave me Gansey and the litter I fostered, to see if she had another cat Goodie's age who was available. She had a little black cat, who was born the same month and was the last unadopted cat from last year. I told her to save her for me and I'd take her when I was ready.
I took some time off on Thursday but worked Friday and when faced with a weekend with no plans, which is normally a good thing, I invited myself on a Lincoln run with Andrea on Saturday. I was still numb and not thinking straight but somehow ended up getting Rosie - the little black cat - on Saturday afternoon. I literally had to go back and check messages to see whose idea it was and it was mine. Clearly I wasn't thinking straight and it was too soon for sure but she was in my house so I had to deal.
She came from a house full of cats so was reaching through the carrier bars towards Pixel as soon as I put her down in the kitchen. I intended to segregate her in the bathroom for a few days but she was pawing under the door for Pixel as soon as I let her out. I gave up and let her loose immediately. Of course my cats are all hating her, hissing galore but that's normal. Rosie jumped right onto my bed that night, which meant Goodie and Pixel, who always slept at my feet along with Hazel, were not on the bed. While I hadn't been beating myself up about the circumstances of Hazel's death (a total fluke as far as I'm concerned), I beat myself up about bringing a new cat in so quickly, further impacting Goodie.
I ended the week on a slightly higher note. I'd invited Lori to come for Sunday lunch (Chinese), an open house at the newly renovated President's House on the abandoned college campus in Wahoo and then a walk at the lake. I choked up many a time but still hadn't really cried. I only had Hazel since last summer but she had a piece of my heart and it was going to take a LONG time to get over her. Thanks for listening. Here are some of my favorite pics of Hazel, many with her sister Goodie.
Always touching.
She loved stretching out.
The FACE!
I will miss her forever.
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