Week 9 - Still Just Numb

It was a week. I went through it like a zombie, still numb about Hazel. I did all kinds of things but with limited enthusiasm. Still haven't broken through the shock.

I did cry for the first time on Monday. We were having spinning at Nan's in Fremont, postponed from her last minute cancel on Presidents' Day, and I'd volunteered to bring beer. I did a gas/beer run at lunch and then stopped at The Warehouse. When Cindy, the clerk I always chat with, asked me how I was, I told her about Hazel and shed a few tears. Those were really the first ones. I blew my nose and went right back to numb.

Work was busy, which was a good thing. It was a training week so I spent 2 afternoons on that plus there was another 4 hour zoom on the F&A project. Wednesday was my usual campus day and I had an impromptu lunch with Darla, who was taking the afternoon off, at HF Crave. I was back on campus Friday because I'd planned lunch with Helen. I made blondies before work and she made cheesy broccoli soup and cornbread. It was fun and made it worth coming in on a Friday, when I was pretty much alone in the office.

It was warm all week (80 on Monday, which broke the all time record) but still way too early for gardening and I wanted outside on the weekend. I started by breaking up the window that had been part of my old potting bench and getting that into the trash can then I started cutting weed trees that grew from the huge trees I had cut down early last year between my garage and my neighbor's fence. Many had resprouted and lots were on my neighbor's side of the fence so I cut from both sides, throwing everything over into my yard. After that, I was sweaty and tired so was inside for the rest of Saturday. Sunday was my typical chore day with some cooking and baking (cookies to take to knitting).

Rosie was getting no love from my cats, who were still full on hissing and growling, despite her trying to be friends. I was making an effort to give her some extra love because, truth be told, I wasn't feeling good about having gotten her. Goodie still seemed completely unaffected by Hazel being gone and wasn't giving Rosie the time of day. I took off Rosie's goofy color with the bell and flower and that felt right (I've never had collars on my cats). I know it'll just take time but it was going slower than I'd hoped and I was beginning to question the wisdom of having adopted her so soon.

So I went through the week like a robot - feeling nothing and going through the paces. I'm still missing Hazel so much and send some love for her into the universe every night when I go to bed.  I'm ready for time to be healing some wounds already!