Sunday, November 22, 2009

Week 47 - Two Bonehead Moves

Well, my life has finally fallen into a more normal rhythm, which doesn’t make for the most interesting blog reading so I thought I’d take a different tack this week and share a couple of my bonehead moves. Enjoy!

Monday night I headed straight home so I could grab some dinner before heading to the library to knit. When I walked in the door, I caught a whiff of something that smelled suspiciously like gas. I headed downstairs to the laundry room where my furnace and hot water heater are. Unfortunately the litter boxes are also down there and one of the cats had missed the box so all I could smell was cat pee. I sprinkled some litter over it, ate some dinner and headed to the library, figuring I’d do a sniff test again when I got home. My knitting friends convinced me I had to call the city if it still smelled when I got home.

Well, fast forward an hour. I walked into the house and yup, there was definitely a smell. But when I walked downstairs, I still couldn’t smell anything. It was definitely concentrated by the back door. Since I have no idea where the gas line comes into the house, I called the city utility department (all our utilities are owned by Wahoo and are super cheap – yet another benefit of living in Wahoo!) The voice mail gave me another number for after hour emergencies, so I called that and it ended up being the police department.

Police: Wahoo Police. How can I help you?
Me: I think I have a gas leak. It’s gotta be a small one though because it only smells by the back door.
Police: I’ll call someone. You need to go wait outside.
Me: Do I really have to? If it is a leak, it’s only a small one.
Police: It won’t seem small if your house blows up!

I hung up and decided I had time to neatize the kitchen a bit before whoever arrived. So I walked over to the stove, which had a pot on it that needed washing from some broccoli I’d steamed a few nights before. Well, I picked it up and it was heavy. Normally I dump the water from the pot to stop the cooking but for some reason hadn’t this time. Well, I took off the lid and WHEW – what a stench! My gas leak was broccoli water. Just great!

Police: Wahoo Police. How can I help you?
Me: It’s me, the woman who called with the gas leak. (pause) It wasn’t a gas leak. It was stinky broccoli.
Police: laughing her butt off
Me: Can you call whoever you called and tell them not to come?
Police: (more laughing) Yes. I called the fire chief and he should be on his way (more laughing)
Me: I’m going to be a laughing stock!
Police: You made my night (yet more laughing)
Me: Can you hurry and call him so he doesn’t come out for nothing? Please!

I spent the next half hour waiting to get into my nightie, hoping she’d caught him and he wasn’t on his way over in a fire truck. Are you done laughing yet?

Bonehead Move #2

By Sunday afternoon, I was done with all my chores and was starting to so some cooking, which is my normal Sunday routine but it seems like I haven’t done it in months. In addition to making food for the week, I was also starting to prep for Thanksgiving. I made out my shopping list, pulled all the bread ends I’d been saving out of the fridge and tore them up for stuffing and then I decided to tackle the squash.

Wahoo has a strange little shop downtown that sells a little of everything and often has cheap produce that’s on its last legs or has been grown locally. A week after Halloween, I went in and there was a shopping cart full of pumpkins and three huge blue hubbard squashes. As is often the case there, they misidentified what they had. The sign on the cart said “Pumpkins or Big Gourds - $1”.

Have you ever had hubbard squash? It’s delicious but presents a problem because they are HUGE – as long as a standard size watermelon but thicker in the middle. On top of that, they’re a strange blue gray color and are all knobby. Most people wouldn’t have a clue that it wasn’t a big gourd. I snagged one and have been driving it around in my car ever since. Now was the time to cook it, which would require putting it into the oven whole, cooking it for several hours and then digging the seeds and strings out after it was done. I already had the oven on for some banana bread so just washed the squash, poked it with a fork and threw it in.

Fast forward two hours. I was finally able to pierce the skin with the fork so called it done and got out the potholders. I gingerly maneuvered it out of the oven and then looked around for where to put it down. I know, piss poor planning. The banana bread was on the counter on a cooling rack, the other side of sink was covered with drying dishes and I figured it would rupture if I put it down on an empty stove burner. While I was standing there evaluating my options, the heat from the squash was working its way through my potholders and in shifting it, I dropped it. Luckily it wasn’t fully cooked so didn’t completely burst but enough of it did fly that I now had an orange speckled kitchen. I was able to pick up two big hunks that weren’t in contact with the floor and started mopping it up. By the time I was done, the floor was clean but there were orange stains on the counter and the dishwasher. Oh well, I’m sure they’ll fade eventually. On the plus side, the squash was so big that even though a good portion of it went into the trash, I still ended up with 20+ cups of it – plenty for Thanksgiving and the entire rest of the year.

On that note, I hope you all have a happy Thanksgiving. If you’re close enough and are interested, I have squash to share. : )


  1. Merry! I cracked up. My husband was here so I read it to him. Hilarious!
    Happy Thanksgiving.

  2. Ok, so I didn't laugh my butt off but I did laugh out loud. You'll have to relay this story to the group.